Saturday, 1 February 2014

Mount Pleasant Street.

A day in my life to demonstrate
The benefits of being late
Whether missing your bus or losing your keys
Or needing a wee before you can leave
It makes life fun and thrilling and fast
Today's vexation is soon in the past

On Friday just gone I needed to be
In town for a meeting at a quarter past three
Alarm set early, I mustn't be late
To start on the tasks that just couldn't wait
And had to be done before I could meet
A man about a dog on Mount Pleasant street

The worst invention, beside French loos
Has to be the button marked snooze
I pressed and pressed and stayed in bed
Too late for breakfast I left unfed
To freeze off my balls whilst walking the dog
Through rain and sleet and freezing fog

The dog whined at the door and started to wag
His tail as his master searched for a bag
To pick up his shit from the frosty grass
After waiting for him to empty his arse
Its not that bad even when blowing a gale
It keeps your hands warm, stops you biting your nails

See there's always a plus side to any grim chore
Just think and you'll find it, of that I am sure
Not matter how hard or how big or how tough
There's satisfaction in there if you look hard enough
Cleaning the filter on the drier's not funny
But look at that lovely, soft, massive dust bunny

But back to my day, I hate to digress
I get my flow in a terrible mess
Although actually, no, to wander is fine
To mentally meander just feels divine
It's never a race to finish a chat
Just hold tight and enjoy whilst chewing the fat

Dog now walked I got back home
And saw the display upon my phone
Two missed calls and the battery was flat
It blinked and it flashed and it made me say "twat"
I'd be needing my phone throughout the day
So there was nothing for it, at home I must stay

The voice mails were both just informing me
That I need now not do stuff, more time I had free
I smiled and I sat down with tea and hot toast
And a bowl of the cereal that I like the most
To sit with my feet up whilst watching the box
And using the fire to warm up my socks

If I'd not over slept I'd have been on my way
Already beginning to curse the damn day
Crawling in traffic, unable to see
The flashing messages informing me
That I'd be disappointed when I eventually arrived
At the house of the first man after that horrid drive

But hang on now, even that's not so bad
There's a cafe nearby and I'd have my iPad
To sit and to write this stupid, long, post
Whilst eating a breakfast with two extra toast
And sipping a coffee and watching the telly
And hearing the noises from my now happy belly

But back home I was sat almost all morning long
Enjoying some peace because plans had gone wrong
Reading the paper right through while just sitting
On the loo while I enjoyed an extra shitting
That only came about when I
Received a voice mail from a guy

That afternoon I took the bus
To drive to town seemed too much fuss
So earphones in and podcast playing
I smiled and listened whilst stood there swaying
Hung on a strap beside a bloke
That smelled of things that made me choke

When no longer I could hold my breathe
I decided there wasn't too far left
To have to walk to Mount Pleasant Street
So opted now to use my feet
I pressed the bell and jumped of quick
And stepped right in a pool of sick

Some dirty bastard from last night
Had drank too much and didn't feel right
And so he had then left for me
A sample of his lovely tea
Of kebab and chips and cheese and sauce
And lots and lots of beer, of course

I had the newspaper rolled up in my hand
And sat on a bench because it's hard to stand
Whilst using the Metro in such a role
To wipe the sick off your slippery sole
I sat beside a bin and saw
A crumpled fiver on the floor

I found myself with an hour to kill
So went to the cafe at the top of the hill
I sat with my latte, watched the world go past
And nibbled a pastry just making it last
Until the watch on my wrist said "Let's get to our feet,
And meet that man on Mount Pleasant Street".

On time were we both with our bags and our files
Our business conducted, we parted with smiles
I walked the long route now with my day all done
And nothing to do but live in the sun
That wouldn't be here in an hour or three
To waste it now, a sin that would be

So I smiled as I passed the statues and stores
At shoppers and policemen and babies and more
Then I hopped on the bus, over the pool
Left behind by the drunken fool
That I'd stepped in when I was here last
But which this time I skillfully passed

The guy behind, he wasn't so lucky
So he too managed to get his shoe mucky
I heard the groan, I'm afraid to say
I found it funny in a quite horrid way
So earplugs in and settled down
I rode the bus back out of town

The traffic was bad, the bus crept along,
The rumbling engine drowned out by the song
Of whichever band my phone wanted to play
To ease me home and through this day
Later than I would usually be
I wan't first home, so she had cooked tea

She'd wanted to wait but hadn't been able
So I sat down to food piled high on the table
The dogs by my side as I slump in the chair
Once the bread was all gone and my plate was bare
I settle down, the curtains shut
And fart so loud it brings a "tut"

Not a day for a history book
So little done and hours it took
A waste of time in so many ways
Not one of my better days
But done and dusted and no worries had
A day like that can never be bad

And so we curled up like two spoons
And watched a show about the moon
And how pretty it was and how far and how we
Could just open the curtains and look up and see
The big silver ball on a black velvet sky
And think for a moment "How damn small am I?"

That moon in the night is same one that you
Will look up and see when you notice it too
And your neighbour, and mother, loved ones near and far
Can see its reflection of our nearest star
That it scoops up and sends back so that we don't miss
It's beauty and splendour, it's cold goodnight kiss

It's not a bad world if you roll with the blows
Just throw it up in the air and see where it goes
You'll generally get through your day alright
And be home with your family by the end of the night
To rest your head and close your eyes
And wake up when the alarm clock cries
It's siren call, it's urgent plea
To open your eyes so that you might see
The beautiful day and all it's new news
And, of course, that button marked "snooze"


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