Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Naughty elephants squirt water.

He sniffed at the air with his wrinkly nose
And made his way on tippety-toes
To the washing line where he stole some clothes
And put them on then suddenly froze

He sniffed and sniffed and sniffed once more
Then followed the fragrance in through the door
Of the house of the lady that came home and saw
Those dirty great footprints across her clean floor

She'd only popped out to buy lemonade
To enjoy with her friends and the buns that she'd made
The buns that she'd placed on the table she'd laid
Before going to the shop on the shopping parade

She couldn't believe the mess that she found
China and table lay scattered around
No buns were remaining, just crumbs on the ground
Then, from up above, there came an odd sound

Those dirty great footprints carried on through
The kitchen and up the stairs, into the loo
She shrieked when she saw it, couldn't imagine who
Could do such a dirty, great, steaming, huge poo

She crept down the landing and peeped through the lock
In the door to her bedroom and got a huge shock 
An elephant winding up her alarm clock
Yawning and stretching and wearing her frock

"You cheeky, wee beggar" the old lady did shout
As she strode in the room waving her cane about
"You'll clean up your mess, of that there's no doubt
Now go flush that toilet, you wrinkly. grey lout"

Now, an elephant's feet were never designed to
Pick up broken plates or to fix them with glue 
And he'd never before had to flush away poo
'Til his recent and daring escape from the zoo

He'd spent many an hour plotting plot after plot
But managed no more than diddly-squat 
Then, this very morning, believe it or not
His cage was left open so off he did trot

He was spotted escaping by that daft keeper who'd
Left unlocked his lock and the keeper pursued
He'd found a disguise and some lovely, warm food
And a toilet upon which he'd sat and he'd pooed

His lack of fingers and thumbs aside
The naughty elephant really tried
To clean up the mess that he'd made inside
The house where the lady who baked did reside

She'd watched and she'd laughed as he'd tried hard to mop
The floor of the kitchen, but she'd had to stop
Him from making it worse with his slop, slop, slop, slop 
And sent him away to the local cake shop

He wore some dark glasses, a scarf and a hat
And crept through the streets as quiet as a cat
Purchased the buns and had a quick chat
With the baker, then turned around and headed back

He'd very near made it without being seen
But the local police force were really quite keen
To capture the beast, they'd rather have been
With coffee and doughnuts in the station canteen

The leaves on the path were hiding a net
That sprang up around him as fast as a jet
Then, quick as a flash, poor Jumbo did get
A jab in the bum from the zoo's friendly vet 

Back behind bars but he didn't feel sad
The pachyderm sat with his trunk in the bag
Of buns that he'd woken to find he still had
He smiled as he munched, life wasn't so bad

 He went and he sucked up a trunk full of water
And sprayed passers by though he shouldn't have oughta
He soaked a fat man and his red headed daughter
Who shrieked and who clutched the stuffed bear that he'd bought her

Then later that night with the moon overhead
And the visitors gone and the residents fed
The big, tired beast lay upon his own bed
And smiled as he thought of adventures ahead

All it would take was a little mishap
A gate left unlocked by that old keeper chap
But next time not stopping to take a quick nap
And not walking into a dirty, great trap

Next time he would make it, to freedom he'd flee
Stowaway on a liner and sail every sea
Or find a nice jungle and finally be
What all creatures want, just happy and free

J2H & PDF.

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